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THE WEEKLY PRAYER
For about a week now I have had johnny cash's song in my head. Although instead of the correct lyrics, over and over I have been repeating to myself, "I hear the change a-comin, it's rollin round the bend..." Not only is it a bit eerie, it's also a bit annoying. But with the seasons changing, schools and unis starting again, the effect of the eclipses and, well, just because, I have been thinking about change.
Sometimes it's the only thing we wish for. Occasionally we will wait patiently but more often we find ourselves very impatient for external forces to come in and change our lives. We wait for time to pass, for our creations and plans to manifest and grow, we wait for relationships to evolve and for other people to change, for that promotion at work, to people enter into our lives to save us. When the change doesn't come we get frustrated and angry. We think to ourselves, if only this would happen then I will be happy, or when this happens, I can finally relax.
If we are confronted with things in our lives not changing, often we push. We search endlessly for jobs, we scour dating apps until the early hours of the morning, we put ourselves through workshops and constantly improve our minds and our bodies, we offer deals at our businesses and pursue every marketing angle and idea we've ever had. A lot of the time the pushing comes out of fear - a fear that we can't get what we want. Pushing isn't wrong but if there's no flow to it then it doesn't really go anywhere. If things are meant to change in your life then they will.
Waiting for change to come feels like taking a big breath in and saying we are going to wait until something happens before we exhale. It's a halt - a stop to your life flow. Living your life in the future and putting all your stock onto things happening which you have no control over, denies our present experience, our feelings about our lives as they are. If we deny our experience and how we feel about it, we deny ourselves.
As we have seen in Texas, change can also hit you out of the blue, disrupting everything in your life, everything you know and everything you've taken for granted. This kind of change is sudden, all-encompassing, terrifying and there really is no going back. The resilience deep within people and their ability to rebuild and recreate after events like that is extraordinary.
Sometimes, we hope and pray that this kind of change will never touch our lives. We live in fear that it could through illness, relationship breakdowns, job or home losses, death of loved ones. Rather than looking to the future, we want to hold on to the past, we avoid things changing out of fear that we will never be as happy, as content or as safe, or that we wont have the resilience needed to survive.
Whether we want to avoid change or are desperate for it, the truth is we have no control over it. All we can ever do is be in the present and accept what is happening right now. That means accepting and being really honest with yourself about how you feel about your life, right now. If you are frustrated and angry that things aren't changing, be frustrated and angry - these are legitimate feelings that you are experiencing. Support yourself in your life, give yourself the help you need to deal with what's happening. Maybe that's by putting less pressure on yourself, acknowledging you don't have complete control and reaching out to supportive people for help. If you are scared about how change could affect your life, acknowledge what the fears are by really asking yourself what you are afraid of. Sometimes shining light on them can make them less scary. We are all scared, in many different ways. It's not a sign of weakness, it's just a fact of life.
The point is to be where you are and truly accept how you feel. If we live in the future or hold on to the past we miss what is going on in the present. Maybe there is a lot of hard stuff that is going on right now that you do want to avoid but there is probably some good stuff too. You don't want to miss out on any of it.