Putting Yourself First

Once again we find ourselves coming into the mysterious dark moon period before the new moon on Wednesday 20th September. The time leading up to the new moon can feel more tiring, more emotional and is a great opportunity to hermit out, let go of everything going on in the world and come back to yourself. It's also a really great time to practice being selfish. We have this idea that being selfish is wrong - that we should always put others needs ahead of our own. But that can get messy and doesn't really seem to work. If our needs aren't being met, we get angry, whether it's overt or passive, the anger is still there. It also creates murky relationships because if you are constantly putting other people's needs ahead of your own then it places a weird pressure on the people around you to put your needs ahead of theirs. This creates a lot of guess-work, uncertainty and much wasted effort trying to be polite and do the right thing by everyone else. You don't get very far with that kind of approach and still no one gets what they want or need.

Sometimes it can seem like putting your needs ahead of others becomes a win-lose battle. If your needs are met then you win and someone else loses. If someone else's needs are met then they win and you lose. If you win you feel guilty or if you lose you feel resentful. But that idea isn't right or true or really how the world works. It's just not that black and white. Giving yourself what you need is actually better for everybody. If we look after ourselves we show others they can look after themselves too. If our needs are met we are in a far better position to help other people also get their needs met too. Relationships are strengthened with honesty and clarity rather than murkiness, guilt or resentment. On a spiritual level, if you believe we are each made up of the same light of the universe, by fulfilling and looking after our needs, we enhance that light for everyone everywhere.

Being selfish doesn't mean being mean. Although people may certainly take it that way. That is why it can be hard to take what you need. In those situations when other people are offended or angry with you for asserting yourself and giving yourself what you need you really need to support and back yourself. You can't control other's reactions so the truth is they can react anyway they want. What you can do is to fully support and stand up for yourself. Remind yourself that your intention is to look after and care for yourself. It isn't to be mean or cruel to the people around you. It can be really scary to back yourself in these moments but that's not a reason not to. The discomfort gets easier and lighter.

Of course being in relationships means give and take and the fact is that sometimes your needs wont be met. That's ok as long as there is balance and as long as you are aware that you are actively choosing to support someone else's needs before your own.

Enjoy this and have a great (and chilled) week xxx

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