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THE WEEKLY PRAYER
Give yourself a break, today, right now. Stop giving yourself such a hard time. Seriously. For not knowing everything, for being exactly as you are, where you are, in your life. For whatever you're struggling with. Can you let go of your need to be perfect all the time and be ok with the fact you might not always say and do the right thing? Can you let go of fretting about the future and lamenting over the past?
Sometimes you need a break from the worry, the fear, the insecurity. What it seems to come down to is trust. And trust, while terrific, can also be tricky, troubling, terrifying and I'm sure many other words that start with the letter T. Trusting that everything will be ok, trusting in love and friendship, trusting that we know everything we need to, that we are completely whole, right here, right now. Trusting that it's ok not to be perfect.
It's scary to trust. To trust other people with our hearts, trust that they will still be there, will support us, even when we're angry, scared, sad or horrible is so hard. Even with people you've known for years, trust is difficult. Even with the two people I have lived with and spent almost 24 hours a day with for the last 2 years, trusting is hard. Still thoughts creep into my head, but maybe they don't really like me, maybe they secretly hate me, maybe they don't really care about me, maybe maybe maybe. Distrust seems to be self-fulfilling. If we talk ourselves into believing it's not safe to trust, you naturally start creating a boundary - a separation. Then that separation can feel like abandonment, showing you that you never should trust anyone to start with. I'm not talking about shady-type people who lurk in dark alleys, but the people in our lives who we want to open our hearts to and create lasting relationships with. With these people, trust seems like a two-way, love-filled, sometimes awkward street. Where you both have to be open, with a willingness to be vulnerable and a clear intention to hold each other in compassion.
Trusting ourselves is probably where it all starts. Trusting that we, who we are, just as we are, are fundamentally ok. We look to others to tell us that we are ok. To reassure us. And that's alright, if we need it. But we want to learn to also do that for ourselves. For no matter what circumstances we find ourselves in, that deep down, we are ok. Even when we might have no money or no job, maybe no friends, even when we've downed a whole carton of ice cream by ourselves; even when we feel ugly, awful, angry, scared or hopeless, even then, we are ok. It's an ongoing process and one it seems a lot of us have to (re)learn.
And then trusting in the universe, God, the divine, however you define it. I would say most people can own up to the fact that somewhere deep down inside we each house a small, very neat and very tidy little control freak working on dotting all the "I"s and crossing all the "t"s, who would love nothing more than to take complete control over your life, organise this and that and get it into a perfect little shape of pure, clean and controlled fun. But of course that wouldn't be life. Not this life anyway, where things are messy and rough and surprising and sometimes unpleasant and sometimes more pleasant than you can even begin to imagine. We need to learn to let that precious controlling part of ourselves go and allow the universe to do its magic.
Maybe trusting yourself, trusting other people and trusting the universe is really all the same. We are each made up of a little piece of the light, of all the good, of all that's divine and heavenly. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0pWejAnLUQ) . We each have capacity to trust, to love ourselves and each other and the universe whole-heartedly. Maybe we are here to help each other know that it is safe to trust, that we can let our guards down, that it's ok to put our control freaks to the side and believe, have faith and trust.